It should be obvious by now that when it comes to the geek media discussing Star Wars, there are only two acceptable approaches to any story: An apologetic admission of “flaws” or a full out attack. Here are two examples relaying the “news” about the release dates for ‘Attack of the Clones’ and ‘Revenge of the Sith’.
First up, we have Joblo.com.
What was that? You briefly had a new hope that after movie goers struck back by rewarding the release of STAR WARS: EPISODE I – THE PHANTOM MENACE 3D with a little over $100 million LucasFilm would… wait… a little over $100 million? Hardly the return of the fan we might have hoped for. George and company seem to see (justifiably) that there’s still plenty of money left to be made, and no argument or Star Wars-related puns/references from me are going to shoot first and stop it.
Okay, this is just shitty writing. Is a $100 million gross for TPM 3D good or bad? It seems to be both. It’s “hardly the return of the fan we might have hoped” but it’s also good enough to “justify” making Lucas look like a greedy SOB. I mean, kudos to writer/sandwich artist Alejandro Stepenberg for making Lucas look like a failure AND a money-sucking whore at the same time, logic be damned. But just to make sure AOTC 3D and ROTS 3D don’t make the money “we fans” hope for (pssst! Alejandro. You’re not a fan. You don’t speak for anyone but yourself, jackhole), Stepenberg notes the counter programming fans can see in the theaters instead. That way, if those other movies make only $1 more than Star Wars, Stepenberg can crow about how “fans” have rejected Star Wars again. Sigh, indeed.
Next up, we have Quint at AICN.
At Celebration, Lucasfilm announced release dates for their upcoming 3-D rereleases of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. The Phantom Menace did okay business, but made less (not even counting inflation or the 3-D surcharge) than even Return of the Jedi did upon its 97 re-release, so there was some question as to whether or not the further Star Wars movies were headed to theaters.
Okay, stop. ‘The Phantom Menace 3D’ did very respectable business considering the blu-ray (with CG Yoda) was released only six months earlier. $103m for any movie, let alone a 13-year-old one, is something most producers would kill for. It also did good considering the 13-year onslaught of negativity that made simply choosing to go see the movie seem like a crime against humanity. ‘Titanic 3D’, in comparison, made roughly the same domestic total (43.5m vs. 57.9m — both far below ‘Lion King’s 94.2m) despite glowing reviews, a fawning media and James Cameron taking a voyage to the bottom of the sea in his custom PR submersible. Yes, TPM 3D made less than ROTJ: SE in 1997, but ROTJ hadn’t been seen in theaters in 14 years and didn’t have a major video release only six months earlier. As for the “question as to whether or not the further Star Wars movies were headed to theaters”, Quint is pulling this out of his ass. What question? Lucasfilm said they were converting all the films. If TPM 3D can make $103m worldwide despite the forced perception of it being the “worst” of the series, converting the others is a no-brainer. That was obvious from its opening weekend. Quint is inventing a “question” that never existed.
Could be my bias against the prequels, but this decision smacks of “get to the good stuff” to me.
If you have a bias against the prequels, that’s your first clue to stop talking about them. That’s just what decent people do. You don’t like them. Fine. So shut your fucking pie hole! Other people DO like them and who the FUCK are you to constantly be telling them how wrong their subjective tastes are?! FUCK OFF!!! Christ, it’s simple. If you have a bias, report the “news” and MOVE THE FUCK ON so you’re not being a douche-bag to those who DON’T have your fucking bias!
They were already locked in to the Episodes 1-VI line-up and when Phantom Menace underperformed (both Titanic and Lion King outpaced it) I bet you anything the thought was “let’s get to the ones people want to see quicker” even if nobody would ever say that to Mr. Lucas.
Okay, STOP AGAIN. First Quint says TPM 3D did “okay business” but a few sentences later he says it “underperformed”? WTF? First he says there’s a “question as to whether or not the further Star Wars movies were headed to theaters” but then a few sentences later he says Lucasfilm is “already locked in to the Episodes 1-VI line-up”? How can there be a question if something is locked in?! Quint is just pulling crap out of his ass and serving it like ice cream to the hateboy sycophants on his site. He says, “I bet you anything the thought was…” Quint, I’ll take that bet because YOU DON’T KNOW! You’re just making it up. I could just as easily say, “I’ll bet anything that Quint’s thought when writing this article was ‘I wonder if I can write this whole article with one hand while simultaneously masturbating.’” That doesn’t make it true, but it’s as plausible as anything in his article. Also notice how he adds in the “even if nobody would ever say that to Mr. Lucas” snark just to underscore the fictional hateboy meme that everyone who works for Lucas is scared of him. Utter bullshit. Hateboys have just been making shit up for so long they no longer recognize whether it’s true or not.
I’ll be curious to see if the original Star Wars films can still draw bigger box office than the prequels upon their rereleases, but more from a self-vindication standpoint than anything, really.
Gee, ya think? And what’s this “self-vindication” crap? How is he “vindicated” by the originals making more box office? Is it suppose to prove that people like them better than the prequels, thereby justifying his bias? It doesn’t “vindicate” anything. TPM 3D made roughly the same money as both ‘Titanic 3D’ (57m) and ‘Beauty and the Beast’ 3D (47m). It made MORE than Toy Story 3D (30.7m). Does that prove TPM is better or worse than those movies? No. Quint is just selectively hateboy dick-measuring.
No matter what, I hope they all perform because I like the nationwide giant re-release platform and want to see more vintage cinema in real deal big outings, not just exclusive one-evening showings.
So Quint shits on the prequels and cheers for the originals to vindicate his admitted bias (for whatever good that will do), then he “hopes they all perform”??? The whole article is fucking worthless.
The more money these things make, the more likely we’ll see more of it.
So he hopes these things make money, but not so much that it invalidates his bias — or something. Besides, when Star Wars makes money, Lucas is just ‘milking the cash cow’ and greedily ‘beating a dead horse’ etc. Notice Quint makes no mention of what “originals” we are likely to see in 3D. They won’t be the original theatrical releases to be sure. Any bets on what bias Quint shows when he sees Greedo shooting first in 3D?
It’s all just an average day in the geek media.