Hateboy Media Industrial Complex: 3D Edition

It should be obvious by now that when it comes to the geek media discussing Star Wars, there are only two acceptable approaches to any story: An apologetic admission of “flaws” or a full out attack. Here are two examples relaying the “news” about the release dates for ‘Attack of the Clones’ and ‘Revenge of the Sith’.

First up, we have Joblo.com.


What was that? You briefly had a new hope that after movie goers struck back by rewarding the release of STAR WARS: EPISODE I – THE PHANTOM MENACE 3D with a little over $100 million LucasFilm would… wait… a little over $100 million? Hardly the return of the fan we might have hoped for. George and company seem to see (justifiably) that there’s still plenty of money left to be made, and no argument or Star Wars-related puns/references from me are going to shoot first and stop it.

Okay, this is just shitty writing. Is a $100 million gross for TPM 3D good or bad? It seems to be both. It’s “hardly the return of the fan we might have hoped” but it’s also good enough to “justify” making Lucas look like a greedy SOB. I mean, kudos to writer/sandwich artist Alejandro Stepenberg for making Lucas look like a failure AND a money-sucking whore at the same time, logic be damned. But just to make sure AOTC 3D and ROTS 3D don’t make the money “we fans” hope for (pssst! Alejandro. You’re not a fan. You don’t speak for anyone but yourself, jackhole), Stepenberg notes the counter programming fans can see in the theaters instead. That way, if those other movies make only $1 more than Star Wars, Stepenberg can crow about how “fans” have rejected Star Wars again. Sigh, indeed.

Next up, we have Quint at AICN.

At Celebration, Lucasfilm announced release dates for their upcoming 3-D rereleases of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. The Phantom Menace did okay business, but made less (not even counting inflation or the 3-D surcharge) than even Return of the Jedi did upon its 97 re-release, so there was some question as to whether or not the further Star Wars movies were headed to theaters.

Okay, stop. ‘The Phantom Menace 3D’ did very respectable business considering the blu-ray (with CG Yoda) was released only six months earlier. $103m for any movie, let alone a 13-year-old one, is something most producers would kill for. It also did good considering the 13-year onslaught of negativity that made simply choosing to go see the movie seem like a crime against humanity. ‘Titanic 3D’, in comparison, made roughly the same domestic total (43.5m vs. 57.9m — both far below ‘Lion King’s 94.2m) despite glowing reviews, a fawning media and James Cameron taking a voyage to the bottom of the sea in his custom PR submersible. Yes, TPM 3D made less than ROTJ: SE in 1997, but ROTJ hadn’t been seen in theaters in 14 years and didn’t have a major video release only six months earlier. As for the “question as to whether or not the further Star Wars movies were headed to theaters”, Quint is pulling this out of his ass. What question? Lucasfilm said they were converting all the films. If TPM 3D can make $103m worldwide despite the forced perception of it being the “worst” of the series, converting the others is a no-brainer. That was obvious from its opening weekend. Quint is inventing a “question” that never existed.

Could be my bias against the prequels, but this decision smacks of “get to the good stuff” to me.

If you have a bias against the prequels, that’s your first clue to stop talking about them. That’s just what decent people do. You don’t like them. Fine. So shut your fucking pie hole! Other people DO like them and who the FUCK are you to constantly be telling them how wrong their subjective tastes are?! FUCK OFF!!! Christ, it’s simple. If you have a bias, report the “news” and MOVE THE FUCK ON so you’re not being a douche-bag to those who DON’T have your fucking bias!

They were already locked in to the Episodes 1-VI line-up and when Phantom Menace underperformed (both Titanic and Lion King outpaced it) I bet you anything the thought was “let’s get to the ones people want to see quicker” even if nobody would ever say that to Mr. Lucas.

Okay, STOP AGAIN. First Quint says TPM 3D did “okay business” but a few sentences later he says it “underperformed”? WTF? First he says there’s a “question as to whether or not the further Star Wars movies were headed to theaters” but then a few sentences later he says Lucasfilm is “already locked in to the Episodes 1-VI line-up”? How can there be a question if something is locked in?! Quint is just pulling crap out of his ass and serving it like ice cream to the hateboy sycophants on his site. He says, “I bet you anything the thought was…” Quint, I’ll take that bet because YOU DON’T KNOW! You’re just making it up. I could just as easily say, “I’ll bet anything that Quint’s thought when writing this article was ‘I wonder if I can write this whole article with one hand while simultaneously masturbating.’” That doesn’t make it true, but it’s as plausible as anything in his article. Also notice how he adds in the “even if nobody would ever say that to Mr. Lucas” snark just to underscore the fictional hateboy meme that everyone who works for Lucas is scared of him. Utter bullshit. Hateboys have just been making shit up for so long they no longer recognize whether it’s true or not.

I’ll be curious to see if the original Star Wars films can still draw bigger box office than the prequels upon their rereleases, but more from a self-vindication standpoint than anything, really.

Gee, ya think? And what’s this “self-vindication” crap? How is he “vindicated” by the originals making more box office? Is it suppose to prove that people like them better than the prequels, thereby justifying his bias? It doesn’t “vindicate” anything. TPM 3D made roughly the same money as both ‘Titanic 3D’ (57m) and ‘Beauty and the Beast’ 3D (47m). It made MORE than Toy Story 3D (30.7m). Does that prove TPM is better or worse than those movies? No. Quint is just selectively hateboy dick-measuring.

No matter what, I hope they all perform because I like the nationwide giant re-release platform and want to see more vintage cinema in real deal big outings, not just exclusive one-evening showings.

So Quint shits on the prequels and cheers for the originals to vindicate his admitted bias (for whatever good that will do), then he “hopes they all perform”??? The whole article is fucking worthless.

The more money these things make, the more likely we’ll see more of it.

So he hopes these things make money, but not so much that it invalidates his bias — or something. Besides, when Star Wars makes money, Lucas is just ‘milking the cash cow’ and greedily ‘beating a dead horse’ etc. Notice Quint makes no mention of what “originals” we are likely to see in 3D. They won’t be the original theatrical releases to be sure. Any bets on what bias Quint shows when he sees Greedo shooting first in 3D?

It’s all just an average day in the geek media.

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14 Responses to Hateboy Media Industrial Complex: 3D Edition

  1. Omar says:

    His logic doesn’t make sense. How does “okay business” suddenly mean “underperform”? Also, Beauty and the Beast 3D and Toy Story 3D made less than TPM 3D. So if I follow this guy’s logic, TPM is bad, and both Beauty and the Beast and Toy Story are abominations…. uhhhh….. I’m so confused.

    Glad I don’t even visit geek websites.

    • PrinceOfNaboo says:

      I don’t visit them (geek sites) too and I don’t take them (hateboys and hatesites) seriously anymore. One or two years ago they made me upset at times, but now I just realized what bitter, poor men (and sometimes women) they really are. They just can’t let go, it’s pathetic.

      Just one addition to ANH’s post on my part:
      “Could be my bias against the prequels, but this decision smacks of “get to the good stuff” to me. ”
      He seems to ignore reality.
      I mean, the orignal plan was presumably AOTC in Feb. 2012 and ROTS in Feb. 2013. Now it’s AOTC Sept. 2012 (7 months LATER) and ROTS Oct. 2012 (4 month earlier).
      So there is really not much of a difference.

      • A New Hope says:

        Good point! If there was decision to “get to the good stuff”, they wouldn’t bring in Dennis “I worked on the originals, MFers” Muren to oversee the conversion or spend a year on the process. They would do a half-assed “Clash of the Titans” conversion THIS year and bring out ANH 3D next year. All this means is they’re delaying AOTC to combine the ad dollars. They can promote two films at once and make the whole thing more of an event. Thanks, Prince, for showing how easily hateboy “logic” falls apart.

        • Cryogenic says:

          In a reprise of one of my earlier posts, that also applies to the making of the prequels: five years for TPM, and three each for AOTC and ROTS. Yet some people want to try and convince anyone with the power of thought that GL simply sloughed these movies off? I think it’s a big fat case of psychological projection, personally. These people don’t like the movies and have spent a long time dwelling in negativity of one kind or another, so they assume that the maker also took a cynical attitude, or quickly developed one at some point and then half-assed everything from that point on. A slight side point, but I always look at the prequels and continue to think they look big and expensive, and far more detailed and impressive-looking than your average blockbuster, even the big tentpole movies that tend to cost twice as much. Y’know, to do that three times running… that’s talent, that’s achievement. And that’s without saying a word about characters, or themes, or action, or politics, or world design, or whatever.

  2. lazypadawan says:

    By this time next year, both Alejandro and Quint will have guest roles on Clone Wars and get hired as correspondents on starwars.com.

  3. Bob Clark says:

    Honestly, I think that doing all of the PT in one year, then all of the OT the next would’ve been the best idea. I’d even hope that they briefly re-re-released TPM in 3D before AOTC just to get the juices flowing, and maybe arrange a whole PT screening event for ROTS (hell, I wish they’d done this for the original release– they did it for the last Dark Knight movie). The SE’s worked as an event because they had the whole trilogy to look forward to in a period of months.

    Here, in an age of blu-ray and dvd, ANY theatrical rerelease beyond the scale of an art-house circuit is going to deal with steeper competition than years ago. And hey, TPM-3D still beat some new releases like “John Carter” (did anybody outside the AICN chorus like that movie?).

    • Joey says:

      Well, except it didn’t beat John Carter.

      • A New Hope says:

        This is true. John Carter made $77M domestically. It cost $250M to produce and about that same amount to promote. TPM 3D made $43.5M domestically and cost $10M to convert and about the same to promote (maybe a bit more, including a $1M drop for a SuperBowl ad). Obviously, TPM 3D was a profitable venture while John Carter was an epic financial disaster. If it wasn’t for Avengers, Disney would’ve been screwed.

  4. Cryogenic says:

    Rather a bit of profanity in this one, ANH. Or am I missing something? I can’t argue much with your basic observations, though. Part of the problem is that errant online speculation is, simply, now, a way of life. The prequels have obviously been reified into a negative mold, so all speculation takes on a slightly desultory air at best, and a full-bore hateful one at worst. Overt antipathy is at least easy to recognize and react to, but mock disappointment and jejune despair are rather insidious, and probably do as much to poison the well as anything else. Glad you’re pointing this stuff out — profanity or no.

    • A New Hope says:

      I hear ya, Cryo. Just a word of warning to all, I’m profane where I feel its warranted. My posts are an expression of my thoughts and emotions at the time in which they’re written. Compared to the vitriol toward Star Wars and Lucas on a daily basis on other sites, I think an occasional four-letter word here shows tremendous restraint. I know there are some who prefer a more gentile level of discourse. Frankly, I’d love it if that was the case. Unfortunately, we’re not at that place in Star Wars fandom at the moment. Hateboys don’t pull punches in attacking other fans (dismissing their tastes, questioning their sanity, framing their arguments with rape and sodomy references) so I’m not going to take the high road just yet. We may be making progress. I saw very few “Han shot first” t-shirts at CVI and, apart from a few snippets of conversation, the vast majority of fans there were fans of Clone Wars and the whole saga. But if progress is being made, it’s partly due to fans pushing back and being blunt. In my case, that sometimes comes with a few f-bombs.

      • Cryogenic says:

        Get these mother f****** haters out of this mother f****** fandom!

        Well, it’s a bit bellicose, but I understand the disdain.

        I don’t wanna shoot back too hard, though, personally.

        Granted, it is the nature of this blog to pick up on bullshit and launch a counter-offensive against it, but I think humour and irony may be better weapons than angry expletives, ultimately.

        The other thing is that it’s too cut and dry to say that people despise this or that, or to believe it as an operating principle, and it’s also a little too easy to make examples out of them. Sometimes, taking the high road is the more sensible option.

        I do like the focus of this latest blog item, though. Then again, I like pretty much all of them! Just the idea of all these miniature dissections appeals to me. It’s like a mosaic of discontent; and a sure sign that someone is putting their foot down and saying “no” (or is that “nooooooo!”?). Quite a thing you’re building up here.

        And yes, writing is largely subject to mood. That also means you don’t always know where it will take you. Or as F. Scott Fitzgerald said: “All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath.” So, keep swimmin’.

        • A New Hope says:

          “Get these mother f****** haters out of this mother f****** fandom!”

          I’m saving that to use as an article title!